Nonsense: Monkey Prevails

Au commencement, Dieu créa les cieux, la terre, et le pierre.

La terre étais informe et vide: il y avais des ténèbres à la surface de l'abîme, et l'esprit de Dieu se mouvait au-dessus des eaux, et voyait le pierre que Dieu regardait avec attention.

Dieu dit, Que le singe soit! Et le singe fut!

Genesis I, Chanson de Singes

Of all the monkeys, the Monkey King is perhaps the most known all over China. He has a greater reputation than does King Kong, and has yet to spread an epidemic to cause a horror among crowds. People say Monkey King is another personification of Shiva, a major Hindu god, a destroyer and a transformer of the world. However, The Monkey King in China is a Buddhist. He wears a fur skirt made from the skin of a tiger he killed to protect his master, and a cap with microchips implanted to prevent him from agonies of wild joy, and he wields a magic wand that weighs exactly 6,750 kilograms and is said to be forged by the first emperor of China, Yu the Great, to hush away a flood long before Jesus Christ.

      He is a transformer, too, and more powerful than the American mechanical ones which needs lubricants to do the transforming. He needs not to read a spell before he transforms, but a slight brainwave within his head will trigger the magic. Surprising is that he has seventy-two options for what he transforms into, which is a trick a frightening wolfman or a thirsty vampire cannot ever possess. What's more, he takes great advantage of his hair, a thread of which, in an emergency, will be pulled out to make a holographic copy of him to fight off his enemies or do something funny. That is the evidence that Chinese made the first cloning of primates on this planet before the modern medical science came into being. Behold, he did it in Tang Dynasty, about six hundred years after Jesus Christ, when Europe shrank in the dark of the darkness of ignorance and stagnation.

      If you call a person a ridiculous monkey, you are insulting him/her in a western way. In China, a monkey is not ridiculous at all, nor is a chimp or a gorilla. Monkey stands for dexterity and agility. He is smarter than a fox and stronger than a bear if necessary. Roughly one out of twelve Chinese were born in the lunar year of the Monkey, and China has issued a zodiac stamp in 1980 to mark the monkey year, whose price has skyrocketed to make an owner of the stamp a good fortune. And cartoons and TV series were made to honor the Monkey King, over decades these cartoons and TV series have remained the most welcome. Even Mickey and Minni cannot beat him, not to mention Tom and Jerry, or Donald the duck.

      Monkey King's best mate, his brother-in-gang, Swine the Marshal, begins to emerge as one of his competent rivals for our appreciation because the former is too perfect. Throughout the story Monkey King never dated a girl and he obviously drinks too much. Some say it is because he is a stone boy who knows not to fuck. However, I'd rather think it is just because he drinks too much. You see, that is a common problem for men, and one of the lessons I've learned from the book, Pilgrimage to the West.